The Ministry of Health has set up a new website, called “Zanzu: My body in words and images” in order to “give migrants who have been in Germany for a short time the opportunity to inform themselves on sexual and reproductive health.”
And the information is detailed to say the least, going in to a level of explicitness German high school kids could only dream of.
The health wonks start off by giving some useful tips on sexual hygiene.
When it comes to washing your bits, “it is not recommended to use perfumed soap. Use neutral soap that does not cause irritation. Preferably, do not use any soap at all,” the site says.
Women meanwhile are given the extra, very specific, piece of advice: “wash your anus from the front to the back, away from your vagina.”
The site doesn’t shy away from some of the cultural hot potatoes of the day, either.
On offer is a gory explanation of the different forms of female genital mutilation that exist – with a reminder that it is illegal in Europe – and a detailed explanation of the various types of hymen women have.
“The hymen can already be stretched or ripped, even if the woman is still a virgin. The hymen cannot prove whether a woman is a virgin or not,” the website cautions.
The five positions of German sex
But it’s not all bashing refugees over the head about European values – there are also some useful pointers on how to make the most of their sex lives.
It certainly never gets boring in German bedrooms. There are five (!) different sex positions to explore. One for every day of the working week. At the weekend there’s deserved time for rest.
Sex isn’t just about lying in bed – it can be performed “sitting, standing or squatting” too. “Vary movements in speed, rhythm and intensity,” is the advice for new arrivals.
When it comes to oral sex, the health experts are firm in their conclusions. “Do not swallow,” they say.
There are even three different positions recommended as “more comfortable and less painful” for couples who fornicate during pregnancy.
For sex, one obviously needs a partner. As we know, many refugees have arrived in Germany alone – and the health ministry has advice for the solo flyers among them too.
A man should hold his penis and move his hands back and forth. A woman can “caress her vagina, clitoris, labia, nipples, breast or buttocks” (phew).
“Masturbation is not harmful,” the site reassures.
Demand from doctors
Dr. Marita Völker-Albert, from the Federal Office for Health Information told The Local that the website was developed on demand from doctors and went online in late February.
It exists in 12 languages including English, French and Arabic.
“It wasn’t done because of the latest refugee crisis. We started to develop this website in 2013. The background is that a lot of doctors and information centers asked us to create a serious website on which they can explain sexual health to immigrants,” she said.
Germany is far from the first country to take steps to explain its sexual values to asylum seekers. Denmark and Norway have also released guides aimed at making this thorny issue a little clearer. In Sweden there is also pressure to follow suit.