15 Signs You’re In A Serious Sex Dry Spell And You Absolutely Need To Get Laid

It’s funny how some people are practically doing it two or three times a day like rabbits, while you’re barely even getting a kiss on the cheek from your own mother.

Suddenly, you realize you’re in a sex dry spell and the closest thing you get to love is your dog licking you on the face. Here are some signs that you’re facing a sex dry spell whether you’re in a relationship or not.

Flirting Online


You go on sex sites like Grindr or Cam 4 to chat with other chronically sexually repressed people looking to flirt, talk about their fantasies, or play out an erotic moment on camera. Pretty soon you start to consider having anonymous hookups with strangers in the seediest places. You probably won’t do it, but just the thrill of it makes your insides quiver. Welcome to Sex Dry Spell city, population of one. It’s time to get you a partner!

Romance Novels


You’re definitely experiencing a dry spell if your idea of a good time involves a glass of red wine by your night table, a box of chocolates by the side of your bed, and a steamy romance novel. Sure, you can live out your fantasies through the words of your sexual heroine, but ultimately she’s the only one getting any action.

The Conversation Faux Pas


Your friends used to include you in conversations where the topic was sex. But now whenever they talk about anything sexual, they don’t even bother asking for your input because they know you’ve hit a dry spell. And you’re slowly growing a nun robe that covers your newly-born virgin body. It’s time to stop praying you get some, and start dialing those old booty calls you told everyone never happened.

Questioning Your Sexuality


You start to realize that the reason you’re not getting any isn’t really because you find yourself undesirable, but because you’ve been sticking your hand in the wrong honeypot. So the reason you weren’t connecting to someone physically and emotionally might be because you were secretly desiring something totally different. Like, REALLY different. And you know what they say, “Spaghetti is straight until you heat it up.” So…there’s that.

Crushing On Everyone


You haven’t felt the comforting touch of another human being in ages so pretty soon you start to fall in love with just about everyone. The slightest friendly touch turns you on and your hormones are screaming at you to jump their bones. Now Ugly Pete from Whole Foods seems to have gotten sexier. And even the cafeteria lady is banging, mustache and all. And you know what? No one would judge you for going for it.

Battery Operated Devices


You have needs and if you can’t get satisfaction from a flesh and blood human being then you turn to battery operated devices. They do the job perfectly fine. Have you seen how much thought they’ve put into making these sex machines so banging they feel like you’re doing an adult star? It’s all good until you realize you’ve run out of batteries. And cuddling. And the incredible way it feels when someone breathes down your neck, or bites it. Plastic isn’t really that fantastic, sometimes, huh?

Comparing Yourself To Others


You overanalyze things and start comparing yourself to others who are actually in a happy, sexually active relationship to find the cause of the problem. You pretty much drive yourself crazy trying to search for that one thing that makes you undesirable. But the truth is, relationships are more complicated than that. If you are in one, and are not getting any, you need to open your mouth, and not in a sexual way.

Frequent Steamy Dreams


Our subconscious is a powerful tool. It can reveal some of our deepest fantasies and hidden desires through those steamy, pajama-wetting dreams. You might find yourself going wild in the dream world, doing things that you never thought of doing in real life. It might be time to stop wishing and start exploring the real world.

You Can’t Detect Flirting


It’s been so long since you last did it, that someone could be flirting their heart out and you just wouldn’t have a clue. You’ve wrapped yourself in a blanket of insecurity and sexual frustration. Now the fear of rejection has made you blind to a potential hook-up’s advances. You’ve also gotten freakishly bad at flirting. It’s time to turn back time!

Virtually Stalking Your Ex


Your ex is part of your past for a reason. It’s not like you actually left that relationship feeling like you missed out on anything. Until one day, you end up typing your ex’s name on Facebook just so that you can see what he or she has been up to. Pretty soon you end up wasting the night away scrolling through their timeline, looking at their photo albums, checking their relationship status, and wondering if there’s a chance they might be willing to hook up with you again. You need to get some, as soon as possible.

You Feel Ugly


When your partner stops touching you, or you haven’t had anyone sexually lay a hand on you, it’s natural to assume that something is wrong with you. Suddenly you delude yourself into thinking that the reason you’re undesirable is because you’re some sort of hideous monster. But hey! Even hideous monsters should be getting some. And you know there’s nothing a little mascara or a sexy shirt can’t fix!

What’s Intimacy?


If you have to ask then you’re in trouble! You’ve allowed self-doubt and loathing to make you anxious. Now you start to wonder whether you could even perform a sexual act with another human being if the opportunity presented itself.

Forgetting How To Kiss


It’s been so long since someone kissed you passionately that you’ve started to forget what it was like to press your lips against someone else’s lips. What the heck where you supposed to do with your tongue?

The Sacred Bubble


We’ve all put up emotional barriers at some point in our lives, especially after a bad breakup. But you’ve allowed that sacred bubble to harden and become an emotional prison that’s made you sexless. While this might make you feel powerful, a little voice inside of you will eventually start screaming at you to get close to someone again.

You Become An Alcoholic


You feel unloved and awkward. So you turn to alcohol in order to feel sexy, confident, and seductive. The only problem is that it’s an illusion. Slowly but surely, alcohol becomes your source of happiness and pleasure and pretty soon you’re hooked.